Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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