i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
