...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
that's an acceptable place to lick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize