we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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