ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
