I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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