I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize