My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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