he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
