Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
