The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
