Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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