She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
