Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
