Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
