I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize