Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
