Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
