the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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