Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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