I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
