There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
