We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
