I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
