Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're a waste of cheezeits
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
