Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
