I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
