Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
