You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
