I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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