I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone came in the potted fern
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
