Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
