there's paper in my vomit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm both gender and math confused
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
