he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
