Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
