You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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