butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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