seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
