My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
