there's paper in my vomit.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
