I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Someone shattered a urinal.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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