My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
