what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
