YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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