What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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