People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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