Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
