Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
