well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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