I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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