I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
