We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
