I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
