what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize