I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
