i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize