You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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