JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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