you traded sex for a burrito?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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