He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
