you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
