I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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