sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
