Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
