Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
