I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
