What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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