I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
