Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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