It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize