Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
