I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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