I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
