Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
