I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize