every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
