i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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