I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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