my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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