There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
