I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize