Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize