You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
