I'm lost and stupid without you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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