Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
