his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
