I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
