now i know why i became what i already was.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
