btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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